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Post by dragonlord on Jan 10, 2011 11:24:42 GMT -5
Please make my first post my holding and a quick note that Ryu will not get the Kekkai Genkai of the bat but learn it IC. I was asked by Hinata to post for this first since the Kekkai Genkai plays a large part in my history, so after I get this sorted I can proceed with character creation.
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Post by Tou-kun on Jan 13, 2011 20:06:10 GMT -5
Having skimmed the KG alone, I can already tell this is a little too much. You can't have four senses augmented as drastically as this. Not can your KG influence your ability to control chakra. Edit everything accordingly.
Sorry for the wait.
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Post by Club October on Jan 20, 2011 0:16:36 GMT -5
Before I start going over this, Ryu, I really need to point this out...
...please read through your entire registry carefully. It is littered with confusing grammatical errors even within the first two sentences that makes this all the more difficult to go through. Please. :[
Dragon's Epitome
Ears
there is no provision in the kekkei genkai for shutting off additional senses. Remove the last sentence mentioning an increase in range for each sense turned off.
Nose
The numbers you listed aren't actually doing anything. Or, at least, you aren't clear on what you're doing. Most shinobi would notice any sufficiently strong or noticeable smell within those ranges. What are you trying to smell? And again, unless I missed it, your kekkei genkai has no provision for "shutting off" additional senses. Remove the last sentence pertaining to it.
Skin
The... skin doesn't have follicles. That's just the hair. And what's this mention of "Baterium"? Also, no matter how sensitive your hair is going to be, I don't think it's going to pick up a rise in chakra, and definitely not a rise in temperature if the target is too far. Edit that or remove it entirely. And, again. Take out the last sentence. There's no provision for shutting off other senses.
Chakra
That first sentence doesn't make any sense to me. How are follicles of anything releasing undefined "waves" into the air? And really, none of this chakra detection makes any sense and wouldn't work. Releasing chakra isn't going to make the air crackle and certainly wouldn't allow you to feel the chakra of anyone else. You'd just be releasing chakra. Releasing chakra in this manner over this kind of scale would probably kill you.
Stone Dragon's Epitome
Denied. You can't and won't have an eye technique that turns someone to stone just by looking at them. That is a no-go, period. Not to mention it's overpowered.
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Post by Club October on Jan 20, 2011 23:02:06 GMT -5
Checking here for taken kekkei genkai would be beneficial.
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